Inhale, Exhale
by Sincerely Mr. Whitlock
Summary: Betrayal, Loss, Love, Hope. That's life. Just remember to breathe. A Jasper and Bella story. M for suggestive themes and language.
1. Chapter 1

_Inhale, Exhale_

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Chapter One

I was slowly making my way down the pier. The wind was strong, whipping my hair around my face, helping the December wind chill my skin. I only wished it was enough to clear my head. I would give anything to have my mind freed from what I knew was inevitably going to happen today.

It amazed me, though, how everything somehow reminded me of him. No matter how much I tried. From the look of the beautiful frozen lake, the solid surface glittering in the sun, to the birds cries in the distance. He still found a way in. Nothing was enough to keep him out.

Alice had tried her best to distract me on the ride here, but it was a five-hour drive. There was only so much she could say about the Christmas decorations she was planning for the lake house. Or how much shopping she still had to do in the three short weeks left. There was still more than enough time for me to mull over everything. To dig up and dread about it over and over again. Everything that's happened the past two months played like a re-run in my mind. Never stopping. Now the anticipation of seeing him was only adding to my torture. And was leaving me nauseous.

Today was going to be the hardest day of my life. I scoffed at the thought, thinking of one day in particular. I hadn't thought anything could get much worse than _that. _I knew better now. But it couldn't be avoided. I had to sever the last remaining thread connecting us. For my own sake.

It hadn't taken long after arriving at the house before I felt as if the walls were going to close on me. Alice, after sensing I was on the verge of a panic attack, immediately suggested a walk. So here we were, walking down one the piers in the huge lake, while my world was slowly unraveling. _Again. _

We'd been quiet. Which was more than strange for Alice. I was honestly starting to become concerned. I decided to break the silence for her. "Has Edward text you yet?" I asked, wondering when my brother was supposed to arrive. And hoping to remove the forlorn expression she was wearing. It just didn't look right on her.

Sure enough, when Alice glanced up, I could see her eyes lighting up at the simple mention of his name. "Yes. Not long after we arrived, actually. He said he was only a couple of hours behind." I watched as her eyes went back to the water, a content smile blooming across her face.

It was bitter-sweet seeing my best friend and brother so in love. They both deserved the best and I was truly overjoyed they had found their other half in each other. Especially since Alice was soon to become my official "sister". The bitterness came from my own tragic love life. What I had and what I knew without a doubt I'd never have again. By the time we reached the end of the pier my mind was even more scattered and the dull ache in my chest was back.

Alice sighed beside me, keeping her gaze averted. Her voice low and hesitant. "Has he tried to call again?"

My breath caught in the back of my throat. I shouldn't have been surprised by the question. She didn't know about my plans for today yet. I had been too afraid to speak them out loud.

"Yesterday," I all but whispered. "He's coming down today. So we can talk." I struggled to form the words. My hands grasped the wood of the railing, suddenly feeling very weak.

Alice's head shot up in surprise. "What? Are you sure you're going to be okay seeing him?" She asked, sounding as doubtful as I felt.

I turned around, wanting to head back and she fell into step beside me. "I don't know." I shrugged, a humorless little laugh escaping my chapped lips. "No. But I really don't have much of a choice."

Alice quickly stepped in front of me, her face alight with her sudden anger. "Of course you do, Bella! You don't owe that fucker _anything._" I flinched at her harsh words. But they didn't surprise me. I quickly tried to think of the words to make her understand.

"Alice, he won't top calling me. He's even calling my dad and showing up at his house. Begging him to get me to talk to him. This has to stop!" My voice was shaky, but I felt real determination flow through me. "And I don't think it will until I talk to him one last time."

Alice's eyebrows shot up underneath her dark bangs. "You mean he actually had the balls to talk to your _father? _And Charlie didn't shoot him?"

I huffed, "That's not the point of what I just said!" I realized I sounded a bit hysterical. I just needed to be done with this. To move on. Somehow.

Tiny arms were suddenly around my waist and I realized I was shaking. "I get it, okay?" Alice sighed into my shoulder. "I just don't like it." We pulled apart and I wiped furiously at the tears on my cheeks. Would I ever stop crying?

We were walking again. Alice looped her arm through mine, giving it a reassuring squeeze. She gasped suddenly and I looked down to see her blue eyes cut to me sharply. "Does Edward know?" She demanded. Her eyes widened then, "Does _Emmett_?"

I thanked whoever was listening that my oldest brother Emmett wasn't here yet. Work had held him up so him and Rosalie would be arriving two days later than us. I smirked a little thinking about my sister-in-law and thought maybe I should be thankful she wasn't here either. Rosalie could be fiercely protective. Between her and Emmett alone I knew I'd have a fight on my hands about today. I knew it was already to going to be difficult with Alice and Edward.

"No," I confessed. I then raised and eye-brow, trying to give her the sternest look I could. "And I don't want them to find out either."

"But Bella!" Alice immediately began to argue. "You know I can't keep anything from Edward." She continued after a moment, a devilish smile forming on her lips, "Besides, I wouldn't mind watching both your brothers kick his ass."

I shook my head, wishing the conversation hadn't been brought up at all. "We're not kids anymore, Alice. I don't need my big brothers going around and beating people up for me. I'm a twenty-three year old woman, for fucks sake!" I fumed, feeling my cheeks heat up.

Alice looked shocked for a moment, a strangely proud look crossing her face. Which for some read reason was pissing me off even more.

"What?" I demanded of her.

She smirked. "Nothing," She chuckled. "It's just that I haven't seen that much life in you for a while.

I immediately began to deflate. The anger that had suddenly taken hold of me quickly leaving my body at the reminder of how I'd been the past few months. Completely lifeless.

"Hey now," Alice said, tugging at my arm. "I didn't mean to upset you. We came all the way out here for a break from all this crap. And to have a Merry fucking Christmas, okay?" She laughed.

I gave a weak scoff. My thoughts were consumed, I wasn't sure I could speak of anything else. But I was grateful for her attempts.

The conversation carried on from there. Alice was excitedly going over all the plans she had for us this Christmas. And I tried my hardest to pay attention. Multiple times I pulled my phone out to check the time, only to have my heart give a painful stutter every time a couple more minutes had passed.

We had made our way back towards the house when I spotted an all too familiar vehicle down the street. I froze. Alice looked up at me, concern immediately flashing in her eyes. She followed my gaze and stiffened.

"Bella," She said. "Look at me!" Her tone tore my gaze away from the still form leaning against the car to focus on her. "You don't have to do this. Like I said, you don't owe him anything. Not even a conversation. We can just go to the house and wait for Edward. He can take care of this." But I was immediately shaking my head.

"I have to do this." I sounded like the air had been knocked out of me.

"Breathe, Bella. Inhale, exhale,"Alice coached. "Do you want me to stay with you?"

She was having a hard time giving me the choice, I knew. She wanted to stay. I loved her for it, but I knew it wasn't a good idea. Alice's anger wouldn't help the situation.

"No," I said as I forced my feet forward gain. Trying to mentally prepare myself and gather my courage. I watched my steps as I walked, wheezing in a breath as I realized everything I had wanted to say, everything I had prepared, vanished. My mind going blank. And I was grateful for Alice's arm looped through mine, steadying me.

She stopped and I glanced up to realize we were right in front of the house. Then my body started to tremble when I turned and saw his face, only a feet away. My breathing was harsh and the tears were already forming. I wouldn't let them fall. Not this time. Not in front of him.

Alice shifted beside me, stepping in front of me partially. "Jacob," she spat.

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Looks like Jacob's in some deep shit. I know Major hasn't made an appearance yet, but patience my pretties! Please remember to review to tell me what you think so far!

Love,

Morgan Whitlock


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Here's chapter two guys! A big thanks to those who reviewed and followed. I went back and fixed quite a few typos in chapter one. I guess I was too excited to get it uploaded. Please forgive me for future mistakes!

And here we go!

_Inhale, Exhale_

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Chapter two

"Jacob," Alice spat.

"Alice," Jacob said evenly, with an irritated undertone. I cringed at the sound of his voice, as I tried to look anywhere but him again.

"Bella," He continued, I watched his feet as he took a step forward. And I steeled myself. "We need to talk."

My eyes rebelliously lifted, locking on his face. I started as I noticed how _okay_, he looked. He was freshly shaved, his dark shaggy hair looked recently cut. There were no bags under his eyes. No signs of sleepless nights. Tossing and turning trying to figure out how it came to this. His eyes were clear, no sign of sorrow or regret. He didn't look as tortured as I knew I did. He just looked like Jacob. I felt a fresh wave of anger swell in me.

I turned to Alice and I knew she saw it. She nodded her head, still looking very unhappy with this. With one more frosty glare towards Jacob, she turned to make her way into the house. As soon as the door shut behind her I took a deep breath before taking a step forward and my gaze locked with his. And I hoped all the hatred and disgust I felt was clear on my face.

"You need to leave. And leave me alone. I have absolutely nothing to say to you, Jacob. And I owe you even less," I told him, keeping my voice deceivingly calm.

A haughty and confident smile curled his lips. "Come on baby," he said, leaning against the hood of his Rabbit. "You and I both know you don't mean that."

My hands fisted. "I think I know perfectly well what I meant. You need to leave and leave me the hell alone. I don't want anything to do with you. Never again." My voice was rising and I was blinking back angry tears.

Jacob dragged a hand through his hair then began to rub the back of his neck. An incredibly false sheepish look crossing his face. "You know it didn't mean anything, Bella." He straightened, stepping closer to me. A measly couple feet apart now. "I think you're overreacting just a little. Leaving like you did."

I immediately saw red. Pure and untamed fury clouding my vision. My jaw clenched as I forced my fingers to flex. "Overreacting? How dare you!" My voice was full of venom, sounding almost unrecognizable even to my own ears. "I caught you Jacob. _With another woman. _I walked in on you in _our bed._" I could feel the memories of that day trying to force their way through, trying to bring the pain of betrayal with it, but I was livid.

Jacobs eye-brows rose at my tone, that damn twisted smirk of his reappearing. "But like I said, she didn't mean anything. And you know it." He raised a hand and trailed it down my arm. Nausea swirled in the pit of my stomach. I slapped his hand away.

"Then why did you do it? If she didn't mean anything?" I scoffed incredulously. "Jacob I trusted you! How could you do this to me?" Those traitorous tears trickled down my face. But I didn't move to wipe them. I glared up at him, hardly expecting an answer. But as the silence rang out before us, nothing but the sound of my own harsh breaths, I felt my heart impossibly crack a little more.

And then he spoke again. "Tsk tsk. There's that little angry kitten of mine." He chuckled. He fucking _chuckled_. My body was trembling. My face was flushing and my cheeks felt as if they'd been lit on fire. "Bells, you know we belong together." He grabbed my hand. "So stop being so damn ridiculous and come home to me." He tried to tug me closer to him.

My fist flew out without a thought, cracking against his jaw. "Don't fucking touch me, you bastard!" I snarled. In the back of my mind it registered that my hand was throbbing and stinging like hell. I was too distracted by the adrenaline running through my veins. And I vaguely heard my name being called behind me and a car door slamming shut over the sound of my pounding heart.

Jacob's eyes went wide as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. There was blood from his busted lip. I felt vindictively prideful at the sight. His eyes hardened, his nonchalance demeanor quickly changing. "You little bitch!"

I instinctively stepped back. But he followed. He raised his hand and I flinched, raising my arms over my head defensively. There was a grunt as someone hit the ground and I looked up when I realized it wasn't me.

Edward was standing above Jacob shaking out his hand Jacob was cradling his jaw, cursing and spitting blood. And I watched as Edward gave him a hard kick in the stomach.

"Bella." Edward looked over to me. His gaze murderous. "Get in the house. Now." His tone booked no arguments. And I felt an arm wrap around my waist. I panicked before I realized it was Alice and I allowed her to usher me inside.

"Oh my God, Bella! Are you okay?" She asked as she settled me on the couch, dragging a blanket over my shoulders. That's when I realized I was shivering, my teeth chattering. I tried to tell her I was fine as I felt a sob rip through me.

"Oh Bella," She whispered, putting her arm around me as I fell apart. Sob after sob. There was no stopping it now that the flood-gates were opened. Everything was crashing over me again and I felt like it was suffocating me. Everything I had tried to repress was breaking through.

The door opened and slammed shut. Alice gently released me and the couch shifted as I felt a pair of stronger arms wrap around me. _Edward. _My tears increased as I fell into my brother's comfort.

"What were you thinking, Bella?" He asked gently into my hair. His hand rubbing up and down my left arm. "You shouldn't have been out there with him alone."

"I know," My voice was cracked and hoarse. "But I- I had too, Ed- Edward." I choked out through my tears. I felt his chest rise and fall with a sigh as he kissed the top of my head.

And we were quiet for a while as I let my body empty itself of the grief I'd been carrying around. I allowed myself to mourn a love I never thought would end. I mourned the loss a future I had planned out all in front of me and the time I wasted planning it. It was then that I promised myself I would never again cry over Jacob Black. He wasn't worth it. He wasn't worth my tears, my time, or my love. He wasn't worth putting my life on hold because he destroyed the part of it I had built with him. I was going to move on and truly wipe my hands clean of him. And my heart.

My eyes felt heavy and raw as my tears came to an end. I raised the end of the blanket still around me to my face, brushing them away. Edward loosened his grip, allowing me to sit up, as I turned to face him. He gazed at me, practically oozing concern. And I huffed a bit.

"I'm fine, Edward. Really," I promised and gave a little smile. I knew I would be. Eventually.

He gave an unconvinced look. "As long as you're sure." He nodded at my right hand. "You're going to need to put some ice on that."

Confused, I glanced down and fisted my hand. It was swollen and a little sore. I felt my cheeks heat in embarrassment. I looked over at Edwards hands. _His _right hand looked much worse. "So should you," I retorted. He just shrugged.

I shifted, nervously fiddling with a loose string of the blanket. "What happened?"

He knew what I meant. I watched as his jaw worked as he mentally went over earlier events. "He left. And I told him if he ever came around again I'd beat the shit out of him and call the cops." His voice was hard and sincere. I knew without a doubt he'd do exactly as he told Jacob. I just hoped Jacob stayed away. For everyone's sake.

"Bella, you have to promise me something," he continued, his tone softer. I nodded. "Promise me you won't do that again. He almost hit you for fucks sake!" His anger was back. "And I can't be held responsible for what me _or _Emmett do if he ever actually does."

I grimaced at his words. Once again I knew he was being totally honest. I wouldn't even want to imagine what Emmett would do. _Shit, Emmett._

"I don't think Emmett needs to know about today," I said quickly. And he didn't. Emmett of the two of them was the one who liked to think before he acted. And I didn't want to have to sit through one of his lectures when he found out I was talking to Jacob alone. Like I was some child. That wouldn't do anything but start a very heated argument between the two of us.

He shook his head. "I agree. If you think I over-reacted, I don't think we'd wanna see how Emmett would handle it."

I sighed with relief and fell back into the couch. I felt completely drained. A nice long shower and my bed were calling my name.

"Come on, let's go get some ice for hands. Alice is in the kitchen cooking dinner and you need to eat." He set me with a very parental 'Don't Give Me Shit' look and I decided not to argue. I knew it was just another way for him to look after me. And I knew I hadn't been taking care of myself lately. But that was about to change.

We walked into the kitchen and I sat at the bar as Edward got the ice-packs. Alice turned from her spot at the stove to give us both a once over. "Tending to your battle wounds?" She sounded more amused than was appropriate.

"Why? You wanna play nurse?" Edward wiggled his eye-brows at her, earning a smack in the arm with her spatula. But she giggled, none the less. I tried not to gag.

"Really don't need to hear about that kind of stuff, Edward." I murmured. He laughed at my repulsed expression as he handed me my ice-pack. I gently sat it over my hand and winced as I adjusted to the cold.

Alice looked back over at me as she took a pan off of the stove. "Are you okay, Bella?" She said in a tone as if she thought I would break apart again if she asked.

I tried to keep any irritation out of my voice as I answered. "I am. I promise you both." I said, looking between both of them.

Alice nodded, seeming satisfied with my answer for the moment as continuing to stir the spaghetti sauce. But I knew there would be an interrogation later. "Is there anything I can do to help with supper?" I asked to change the subject and get my mind on something else. I also couldn't stand just sitting here as she cooked.

"Sure. You can make the salad." She gathered everything and put it in front of me at the bar.

"I'm going to go grab the bags from the car." Edward said, kissing Alice on the forehead before breezing through the door.

We worked in silence. The mundane task of shredding the lettuce head and cutting the cucumbers and tomatoes relaxing me. I ignored the slight pain in my hand as I moved it, deciding it was tolerable. I couldn't help the small grin that crossed my face, though. I had hit Jacob. I had put everything I had into that punch, and I was damn proud of myself for standing up to him.

* * *

"Emmett just called," Edward told us as we sat down at the table to eat. "He said they would be here earlier then expected. Tomorrow afternoon."

"Oh good!" Alice exclaimed around her bite of spaghetti. "We can start on our plans. We need to go out soon to get our Christmas tree!" I giggled at Alice's childish enthusiasm as I stabbed at my salad with my fork. Between her and Emmett it would be an interesting Christmas, they both took it way too seriously.

"He also said he was bringing a friend from work along." Edward gave me a glance from the corner of his eye. "His name is Jasper Whitlock. Emmett found out he'd be spending Christmas alone and you know how Emmett is. So he invited him to join us. That won't make you uncomfortable, will it?"

I was a little surprised by Edward's concern. Why would I be? If Emmett trusted and liked him enough to ask him, and I trusted Emmett's judgement.

"Of course," I gave my brother an odd look. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Edward scratched along his jaw. "Well, with everything going on, I just didn't want to make the matter worse for you by adding a complete to stranger to the mix." He sounded slightly annoyed. And if I knew Edward at all it was because Emmett didn't discuss this with him before making the decision.

I rolled my eyes. "I think you're being a little over protective. I'm positive it won't bother me at all." I held up two fingers. "Scout's honor."

"You were never a scout." Edward scoffed, rolling his eyes as well. Us Swan's had a horrible habit of it. Had our ass's torn up for it more than once when we were kids.

"No. But you were," I said in a sing-song tone. Alice snorted water out of her nose. And we both broke out into giggles as Edward stuck out his bottom lip and tried to look put out. But he was on the verge of laughter himself.

Later that night as I crawled into bed, I couldn't help but smile a little. No, the day hadn't gone too well as a whole. But I'd gotten done what I'd set out to do. I'd faced Jacob what I hoped was for the last time and allowed myself closure. And in the matter of hours my brother and sister-in-law would be here, along with this Jasper Whitlock, to celebrate Christmas together. And I felt a sense of peace fall over me.

_I'm starting a new chapter of my life tomorrow_. I thought to myself as my heavy eyes drifted shut. If I'd only truly known what that chapter would entail.

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A/N: So this is where it all really begins, Darlin's. Our favorite Mr. Whitlock is fixing to come into play. Are we ready to see just what's in store for our Bella?

Thanks for reading!

Love, Morgan Whitlock

at night was the first time, in a long time, I slept through the night. No nightmares to remember in the morning.


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